February 2012
3 tags
Nope.
I finally had the courage to watch (well, kind of watch) the reading I did a couple weeks ago.
Here’s a list of things I thought while catching five seconds* of myself giving a reading:
1. STOP MOVING.
2. Oh, bad outfit choice.
3. STOP MOVING!
4. WHY AM I MOVING SO MUCH?
5. Do I have a mental disorder? So much moving!
6. I sound like a valley girl.
7. Stop moving, stop moving, stop...
5 tags
I Wrote This for Stuck Listening.
My friend/coworker Chris and I have so many discussions about music while we’re supposed to be working that we started a review site. We’re assuming we’re going to have way different viewpoints about the same albums (this has proven thus far to be correct) so basically, it’s a constant argument. Visit. Enjoy. But meanwhile, here’s my first review:
Tennis: Young &...
1 tag
Bummer
writinginbed:
Must be a bad sign that I feel surprised when I see or hear a grown man publicly say something nice to a woman.
1 tag
cosmo tip #143
expertcosmotips:
before going down on your man coat the inside of your mouth with nail polish
7 tags
3 tags
Now What?
Chris: “I’m en route to get a considerable amount of hair cut off. A lot of it. I figured you’ll freak out more than most everyone else.”
Me: “Every dude just wants to be Matthew Fox.”
Chris: “I don’t know who that is.”
Me: “The guy from Lost.”
Chris: “…”
Me: “I’m making you a Things You Need To...
4 tags
I say 'vis-à-vis' in this.
“There’s no structure,” my co-worker tells me, vis-à-vis Portlandia, as he eats an expired burrito bowl from Trader Joes and I have coffee and popcorn, which is now known as my ‘usual.’
“There’s structure,” I say, and we have an unspoken staring contest for a second, which is his way of saying I’m crazy. “The structure is that there’s no set structure.” He wins the contest.
“See,” he shakes...
3 tags
Oh, hi.
Scene: At a bar, Tiffany’s friend from work walks over to say hi.
Tiffany: “Alex, this is my friend, Stephanie.”
Me: “Hi, nice to meet you.”
Alex: “Oh, we’ve met before, yeah.”
Me: “…”
Alex: “At Christina and Jamie’s?
Me: “…”
Alex: They had a party? Last year? December? You were wearing a blue...
January 2012
5 tags
My car is basically Claudia’s room from The Babysitter’s Club.
1 tag
4 tags
"Don't you Kerouac my ass."
What are you doing January 28th that’s more important than going to my reading at The Torch Theatre at 7PM? Let me tell you what you can expect other than my ridiculously shiny hair:
1. Panic attacks (maybe.probably.).
2. Shaky voice.
3. Laugh-cries.
4. To say things to the person next to you like, “I feel sorry for that scared, but adorable, girl up there who keeps...
Arpaio a Fascist? →
themanofletters:
I wrote this shit for your knowledge.
Fell asleep on the couch in my clothes watching Frasier last night. On a scale of 1 to Nick Nolte, how attractive is this to you?
1 tag
Working Girl
This is what happens to me during a forty-five minute meeting about Twitter strategies.
Do you follow @offmadisonave, btw?
1 tag
Coffee and Taglines.
A story. Illustrated.
Photo sent to Chris Galli at 2:34pm after he sent me some insane NYC photo to try to make me jealous:
Caption: “I’m at Cartel and ordered horchata and espresso and I’m feeling pretty bummed about it.”
1 tag
“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers...”
– Woody Allen (via indiethefuckoutofme)
Your Girlfriend's Car
My coworkers have been taking turns driving when we go out to lunch, and I don’t want to be that asshole who never drives, so I cleaned out my car today for the first time in like, a year. Here’s a little of what I found out about myself:
1. I collect business cards for restaurants I don’t remember going to ever. Though I apparently liked them?
2. I quite enjoy Starbucks.
3....
The Same But Different
I’m not Leanne Young (I think 13 weeks straight of bar check-ins now?) but, you guys look! I do stuff now! It’s cool not hating your life anymore! Try it sometime!
1 tag
5 tags
I Got You Pegged
All right, so it’s not a secret that I’ve been spending my free time this holiday season watching an excessive (maybe.) amount of Frasier. Like, it’s gotten so bad that I was eating scrambled eggs yesterday and I dropped a little on my face. Then actually considered tweeting about it. I didn’t, but I’m writing about it right now, so I guess that makes all of this...
NEW YEAR'Z RESOLUTIONZ
paigebaker:
Be more conceptual/relevant/pretentious
Make less jokes about diabetes but more jokes about Toxic Shock Syndrome
Comment “no one cares” on more facebook posts no one cares about
Get around to writing my self-help book ‘I Blame The Internet, Sarah McLachlan, and God’
Send more mass texts
Find someone to love and cherish for 1 hour a day/5 days a week. Not too Atheist, not too...
December 2011
Chris Kelly: 2011 In Review: My Fake Favorites In... →
chriskelly:
FAVORITE MUSIC:
Thistle - You have to listen to Thistle. It’s two identical twin brothers who live in the woods, and each morning, they chop down a single tree, whittle two ukeleles from it, then record a song inspired by that particular wood. Their music is haunting.
Lady Slit - She…
Pretty amazing.
